LOL. This list works in reverse. The Northern response:
lucidnightmare wrote:
Great Ways to Annoy Yankees
1. Refer to EVERY soft drink as a Coke
Call soft drinks pop when you need to. You can also call it by whatever it's actual name is since you are actually able to read the can.
lucidnightmare wrote:
2. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell them Delta is ready when they are.
When Southerners talk about how they do things down south, point out how your house's foundation is built into the ground.
lucidnightmare wrote:
3. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're saying.
When speaking with a southerner, stick to your guns about using proper tense verbs, separating vowel sounds, and enunciating "r's". It's also a good idea to have a pen and paper handy so you can draw pictures for them.
lucidnightmare wrote:
4. Take your own sweet time
Do things like you mean to get shit done, like walking up escalators, looking up routes on a map, and not shopping at Wal Mart.
lucidnightmare wrote:
5. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus!
Always ask for beer that isn't brewed by Bud, Miller, or Coors. Ask if they've discovered how to put alcohol in bottles in that state.
lucidnightmare wrote:
6. Offer to send up a bottle of fresh air.
Offer to read them a book. (not the Bible)
lucidnightmare wrote:
7. Talk loudly and often about SEC football and ACC basketball
In most southern states, simply talk loudly and often about professional sports.
If in a southern state with a pro sports team, talk loudly and often about evolution.
lucidnightmare wrote:
8. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle name. ( For example: Lisa Marie - John Michael - Jim Bob )
Gratify the southerner and call them by their first and middle name. Change the gender on the middle name or give it a French twist. (ex: John Michelle, Jim "Ro-Bear")
lucidnightmare wrote:
9. Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War" Always interject that "there weren't nothing Civil about it."
Frequently point out that the Civil War has been over for many many years, and that the South lost. When they protest, point out that there are 50 stars on the flag. Name the 39 Union or post-war states. Help them count out the 11 guilty southern states with both sets of fingers. When they get to the 11th and run out of fingers, smack them on the forehead.
lucidnightmare wrote:
10. Address all males as "son" and women as "little lady."
Address all southern males as "senor" and southern women as "ya broad"
lucidnightmare wrote:
11. Everyone you see eating Yankee Food like cream of wheat or clam chowder say "yoo weeee!! That ain't fit to eat!"
When you hear someone listening to southern music like Lynrd Skynrd or Toby Keith say "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
lucidnightmare wrote:
12. Tell em we use to have a lot of prostitutes in the south but the Yankees came down and married them all.
Tell them how awesome your sex life is with your ex prostitute wife.
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