Necrotic Obsession

As it is, I've been asking myself this question literally for years, have posted it in many forums, and although I always get some rather interesting and intelligent insights, it remains subjective to individualistic philosophy...

So please, bare with me while I explain my dilemma, and then, if you will, post your own opinion, experience, advice or thoughts. Anything is fine, even a slap in the face.

Now then...

I look back on the memories of many things which have occurred in my life, and have come to the conclusion that I never realize what happiness is, until it's over. I have always lived the moment telling myself that some day, I will find happiness.

But my souvenirs and memories tell me otherwise. It seems that, upon reflection, I feel despond, and sometimes even despair, when I think of moments gone by, that I know will never happen again.
I have discovered that even in the darker times of my life, I was happy then, if not the most. It was suggested to me that, because of such admittance, perhaps what makes me truly happy is trying to overcome woes and miseries...but those do not entail as the only cause of such mourning, as many memories afflict me with such ''regrets'' if you will.

It is by trying to recreate my own memories that I have come to the conclusion that I've lived, for the most part of my life, in pursuit of happiness, and never noticing when I actually WAS happy. I had to have been, otherwise I would not feel so sad upon reflecting my life.

My memories are indeed, a manifestation of this personal revelation. More so today, as I live a life of set routine, as opposed to the careless school skipping activities of my youth. XD
Routine sucks, and its degeneration makes the prospect of happiness all that more elusive, DESPITE my given conclusion, AND believing that I may have experienced it many times before.

Trying to recreate situations and occurrences has, of course, created further memories...however, the point is, it seems that I've been blind to true happiness, by always attempting to find it, create it, or wait for it.

A man had once asked God to give him a sign of his existence; when the butterfly landed upon his shoulder, the man shooed it away, and walked off, concluding that God did not exist. I feel that I have done the same, but I do not think it a unique situation. (Example, as I do not believe in God.)

Many religious folks live their entire life with the idea that unto death, true happiness is found-many folks are in pursuit of power, thinking it will net them happiness. This can't always be the case though, as from power, only ruin may follow-with religion, only regrets may be presented.

Many philosophers and even scientists state that we are always IN pursuit of happiness, but can never find it, as our general definition of such can never exist-such is a manifestation of our desires, tools which would break what impedes said progress. it sounds ridiculous, but so true. It seems a normal behaviour to me, or am I trying to understand things as I want to understand them, to justify my lack of happiness?

I have my own beliefs centered around the subconscious, the biological elements which create the psychological thought process, which in my opinion, lead to some sort of Darwin like conclusion, even if ''always going''.

Despite that I believe that our emotions don't care what they make us feel, I still ask this question, more out of a hissy fit then out of reason-it still wins over what I can't prove.

What do you think? Does such present any sensible matter, or are my thoughts and conclusions so warped? If you're a freak in any way, surely you're not conditioned to the norm, and might have something insightful to offer?

What is happiness for you? Must we always be in pursuit of such, or is it found everyday of our lives? I feel at peace many times...such simple things like waking up on a weekend, or playing video games seem to make me happy, however I have often put it as relieving stress, or ''escaping'', so to speak.

No matter that this makes me weak, ignorant or what have you, I would very much like to hear your thoughts on the matter.

Oh, and I can't find a cool avatar-you got something?

Rather than trying to figure out whether or not your happy at any given moment, why not just enjoy them moment if you can? Life is just a series of moments and circumstance often dictates whether those moments can be enjoyed, but if circumstances allow why look a gift horse in the mouth?

Seriously, best advice ever.

I think I do understand this indeed, but how do you come to recognize what happiness might be?

I have my good times, but always attribute them to more psychological situations; it all confuses me.

Every emotion is so concrete and easy to define, but happiness seems so vague, and foggy. It's like, some kind of brain ninja.

Question:

Answer:

Your problem:

So happiness is not meant to be so complicated then? As other emotions certainly are, I kind of go along with the flow. Or general assumption. :/

It's not meant to be anything. It just is. It's a signal to you that things are going well and is just meant to be enjoyed while you have it.